When we were looking for daycares for Weston we had a really tough time deciding whether to choose a place close to home for ease of drop off/pick up for both Matt and me, or a place close to my work for easier visits and response time in emergency. We ultimately decided to do it close to my work, and now I can’t imagine him being 35 minutes away during the day. I get to visit him every day during lunch (a practice which I had only intended to do for a couple weeks but has now been happening for 6 months). It’s fantastic! But this arrangement certainly had its hidden strings. On one hand, we’re so close! On the other hand, we’re so close. If he ever needs something at daycare, it falls on me to leave work. Keeping up with his supply of diapers, clothes, food, pacifiers, and bottles is all me. Doctor’s appointments? Yeah, those are on me too. Most of the time, I really don’t mind all this. In fact, if you ask Matt, he’ll tell you my inner control freak LOVES it. Sometimes though, the battle between Mom and CSI Gross is overwhelming. Like right now, for instance. I have shrugged off many training opportunities at work because traveling out of baby range was out of the question. Well one day last month I was feeling particularly brave. I got all gung-ho about this training and registered myself and a coworker. Well sometime between then and now, my bravery high-tailed it out the back door. How is my little booger going to handle not nursing for three days? How is he going to sleep without it? If he doesn’t do well, how is Matt going to handle the lack of sleep plus all the added responsibilities? Is Weston going to be sad that he doesn’t get to see me at lunch? I am a total worry wart. And I am suffering from a bad case of working mom guilt. I am trying not to dwell on it so I keep reminding myself how excited I am for this training. It will open a whole new world for our departments fingerprint work- my favorite! It will give Weston some quality time with Dad. It will give me a break from mommyhood. It’s only three days- I can do it!
I am so beyond thankful that I have such a parent-friendly working environment. I could brag on MPD for hours on so many things but this one hits home with me. It’s really the only reason I could continue to work while having a baby because, even with their support, being a working mom is a tough gig. It’s work, work, pump, work, work, nurse, work, work, pump. That’s my 7-4 day. Then I get home and it’s play, change, nurse, make bottles, clean, cook, clean, play, undress, redress, read, nurse, put down, shower, bed. That’s my 4-10 day. Wake up at 5 and repeat. It’s quite exhausting but there are a few things that make it so worth it. Like when the work that I do allows us to identify and arrest a suspect. Like the way Weston crawls (yes, crawls!) over to me just to give me a slobbery, open-mouthed “kissy”. Like the pat on the tush I get from Matt when he comes home and I am cooking dinner. It’s the little things for me that make this life I lead so incredibly rewarding.
Don’t misunderstand my temporary anxiety though, I CHOOSE to work. Certainly, if it were something I really wanted, we could make it on Matt’s salary alone. I applaud all you stay-at-home moms. You, by no means, have a cake walk. I know you desperately want 10 minutes alone to shower without playing peek-a-boo with your baby or wondering why your toddler has suddenly gone quiet. I know that most of your life occurs within the four walls of your house while the rest of the world is out scurrying about. I can imagine how lonely you feel at times despite that you are never alone. I know you are so much more than “just” a SAHM. You are a chef, a maid, a safety officer, a cheerleader, a nurse, a chauffeur, a therapist, a janitor, and numerous other occupations. I know you do all of these jobs even when you are so sick you can barely drag yourself out of bed because, as a SAHM, there are no sick days. You see, although it is financially beneficial for my family if I work, part of the reason I do it is for ME. It keeps me sane. It keeps me motivated. It’s my “me” time.
There are so many different family dynamics in the world! That’s what makes it so great. And every dynamic brings with it a set of challenges for everyone in the household. It’s really about finding what works best for any particular set of circumstances. Despite the stresses that I feel (and I am pretty sure every working mother feels at some point) I wouldn’t change anything about it. It’s my perfection.
Upcoming events: Nephew's camping birthday party. Training in Austin. Weston's first haircut?
